Totes Smeg: Smeg is the new Sick

Okay little dahlings, I'm no gossip but I have some truly fierce news for all you gossip whores out there. I hear from a reliable source that a certain KDR frat boy has contracted a yeast infection. Before being diagnosed, he thought it was the gonorrhea. He says, "I thought it was the gon....again..." Smeg! Rumor has it, he's also uncut which totes means Bleedsoe should get on to making that grilled cheese! Awlso, fiercest dance party in a while occurred Friday night at the opium den known as 1107. Lots of gossip from here. Josh Parasite Hilton took over DJing when some rando was playing shiteous music and he made it truly fierce queens! Rhyanne Two Dinners was seen cavorting with some hot true mans and making out all over the place with her bagina pressed all over him. Smeg! Awlso, XtothehardcoreX was seen being a true TV and wearing a fierce flower print dress! Awlso! That slut, the Spilipino, was seen grinding her snatch all over a truly cute freshmans. He was seen shirtless multiple times and let me tell you dahlings, he was fierce! Rumor has it, they hooked up in Stephan's bed and left him used condoms to shove up his ass later. Upon asking about freshmans' member, Spilipino spilled the sausage casings! I'm no gossip but he's Italian... Awlso, MynameshouldberevolvingdoorsCasino was rumoured to have been left in a cardboard box at Lambo on Friday night! And the following night, she truly woke up in jizz covered sheets at the Pi Phi house! Awlso, Jacob Technoissomuchfiercerthantrance removed that shiteous mullet and replaced it with....a rat-tail? Ugh, learn fashion honeys! Also, just as Madge and JT are planning a fierce collab, there are rumours that Parasite and Blohan are in the works for a studio production remake of Missy's "She's a Bitch" Stay tuned for more fierce gossip!